A Little Learning... National Prematurity Awareness Day

Yesterday was National Prematurity Awareness Day and my friend Janet, who has two sons that were born premature, wrote this great post.  Please visit her blog, Lessons Learning, to read the full post.

A Little Health...The Lioness and the Lunges

Post as seen on Couragezone.com

When I was a teenager, I watched a nature film of a lioness and her cubs. The cubs were crawling all over her, tugging at her ear, and bounding over her. I thought, "When I'm a mom I'm not going to be like that tired momma cat! I'm going to be the mom that throws the ball, tackles her kids and bikes them to the grocery store to get milk!" Truthfully, I now understand the exhausted lioness, and no, I don't bike the kids to get our milk. However, as a group exercise instructor and master trainer, I know first hand that making your physical health a top priority will enable you to achieve many of your family dreams and personal aspirations.

I used to feel like I couldn't realize many of those dreams. I vividly recall reoccurring kitchen table conversations with my husband over the last years. "Rob, I feel so sick and tired. I have no motivation to clean the house at all. I'm not doing any projects with the kids I always wanted to do. I haven't washed my hair in five days. I don't want to cook and I feel guilty wasting our money on fast food. Why am I so unhappy?"

My Prince wisely and kindly replied: "How is your nutrition going?" Crickets. I realize I've been getting my meals from the kids' leftover plates. "How is your hydration?" Crickets. I have been "going for the gold," because urine that color is a sure sign of dehydration. "Have you been able to get out and exercise?" Head shake no; I used that time and energy running an errand. "How is your sleep?" Ugh. I had been staying up way too late surfing the Interet.

I had "don't-take-care-of-yourself-itis."

The cure for this ailment has particulars that can be individually tailored to your likes and lifestyle. However, whether it's walking, dancing, a sport or pilates, the benefits of exercise and proper nutrition apply to every mother because it:

increases your energy levels, allowing you to finally do activities that you want with your children
releases endorphins, making you more calm and clear minded (meaning less anger and frustration)
increases your cardio endurance-- you can do more for longer and it hurts less (chasing toddlers or teens)
increases your muscle strength--you can do more for longer and it hurts less (from heavy groceries to babies to book bags)
allows your mind to function in a different zone, which rests the brain and opens you up to new ideas and perspectives
delivers more oxygen to your brain and flushes out CO2 build up, allowing you to think more clearly, increasing memory
gives you a feeling of hope and confidence, reducing depression
deeper and easier sleep
enhances digestion and ssuppresses appetite
boosts self confidence--your children and husband will sense the new power in you and it will flow to them!
makes us more decisive and affectionate (you can become your husband's girlfriend again, not just roommate).

Sometimes we can't get to the gym, funds aren't available for babysitters or the weather is too cold or hot to run. I tell my clients to do their age in push ups, sit ups, squats and lunges everyday. House cleaning counts-I burned more calories scrubbing walls and floors for our cleaning company than I did in spin class! Turn on any music that you love and just go for it.

Sometimes we don't feel like exercising. How can we keep our physical health up when life gets in the way or our will power wanes? You must plan a regular time to work out and make that space sacred time. Tell the children "I will be a nicer mommy after I do this workout!" Or better yet, invite the children to do the workout with you. I remember the first time I practiced a Zumba routine in my bathroom mirror. My four and two-year old watched me in silence, literally gaping open-mouthed in shock. Then they burst out laughing. And now we dance together.

If you had more energy, what things would you do with your family or in your career? What personal aspirations do you think you could pursue?

Set a specific time each day to move your body this week. In your daily planner or journal, write down all of the food you eat. Look over the list after three days. What patterns do you notice in your nutrition? Introduce one healthy change to a pattern you see, i.e. more water, a better breakfast, more greens, no skipping meals.

Photo from Freedigitalphotos.net/lionessandcub.Rob Bunneywell

A Little Balance...Mother Pose

Post as seen on Couragezone.com/blog

My first experience with a yoga balance (or pose) was me wobbling on one foot in a quiet room, hoping the other 30 participants in the yoga class wouldn't notice when I toppled over. "Don't fall, don't fall, don't fall," I thought. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. One thud was mine- but not the only one. Others were tumbling too-- and then getting right back up.

Maybe you're a mom like me that feels she is teetering on one foot, trying something unknown with each child's new stage or personality. Maybe you feel like you're the only one who falls. You're not alone! As a yoga instructor here I offer the principles of physical balance. They might help you attempt one of the most difficult and fulfilling balance posture of all- Mother Pose.

Principles of Mother Pose

1. A balance pose a process, not a goal. With each breath we consciously calm ourselves and then reach higher; balancing is a discovery process of our current strengths and weaknesses. Acknowleding the journey of motherhood helps us to be patient with ourselves and gives meaning to the trials.
2. Balance is not just for the flexible or athletic. Accept that anyone, even you, can learn balance. Often we think that powerful mothering is for everyone else, for women who are in some secret club we're not a part of. This is not true. You have the wisdom, strength and courage to become the mother you want to be.
3. You need a safe, accepting place to attempt a balance. Allow yourself and others to make mistakes. Surround yourself with people who are positive and believe in you, like The Power of Moms. If you are lacking support, join start a Learning Circle. [hyperlink to learning circle page]
4. You need a flat surface. Identify what things are stressing you out and tipping you over. Take the necessary steps to reduce or eliminate the stress.
5. We have to fall to make progress. Sometimes in a balance posture we get tempted to jam ourselves in a pose, holding on for dear life, hoping nobody sees us fall. This tendency is steeped in fear- fear that we're not living up to some invisible standard. As a mother, you are not on trial. You are part of a greater process that is refining you. If you reach and fall, you can get back up. Learn lessons from why you toppled and try again.
6. Balances are not stagnant--you are actually moving back and forth, but at a nearly imperceptible rate. Complete calm and peace are unrealistic ends; learning how to calm and gain peace amid the swaying of mothering is attainable. Each day your balance might change; my yesterday may not be my today given a new set of conditions. That's normal.
7. Our eyes can be our greatest tool and biggest enemy. Finding a gaze point, like a fleck of color or light in the room, can stabilize your entire body. However, looking into a mirror during a yoga pose throws your balance off. Why? Our physical eyes deceive us, while "seeing from within" tunes us into the muscles that actually hold the balance. Do your eyes ever throw you off when studying yourself or other moms? We tend judge ourselves harshly in the mirror of motherhood. If we instead can focus our attention on what brings peace, then balance will come more naturally.
8. Balance emminates from your core. Develop a strong center; search out your mothering values. Write them and revisit them often. Make your mothering goals based on those central values and desires.
9. Ground your entire foot: ball, toe and heel, for the more nerve endings that make contact with the floor, the more stable you are. I was shocked when I began planting all of my toes (especially my ring-finger toe). I was going places in balances I had never gone before. Are any parts of your soul being neglected? Address the fundamental needs in your mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, and social health.
10. We tend to hold our breath when stressed. Without air, we aren't going anywhere! We must do those things that fuel us to bravely attempt Mother Pose. What do you need to thrive as a person? Here is a wonderful article from April on identifying the "air" you uniquely need in motherhood.[hyperlink the article Mommy is a person]
11. There is no "right" way to do the balance. Each body is completely different, and therefore your pose it not my pose. Just as we all have different leg lengths and spinal mobility, our children, experience and circumstances are all unique. Your Mother Pose is a beautiful, personal thing and is good enough!
12. Balance postures take the most amount of time in a yoga practice and we start on our weakest side. Balance isn't something that occurs quickly because we may need to strengthen weak muscles or stretch overused muscles in order to achieve a pose. Which areas of your life will need tweaked before balance can occur for you? Address the area that is affecting the others the most. For me, this is regular eating and sleep. When I skip meals or just graze off of my children's plates it's a domino effect. I am grumpy and fatigued. I stop cooking, I overspend on eating out, and let the house go. When I am healthy and rested I am patient, fun, effective and happy.

It may seem odd, but when I'm on one foot, holding a crooked leg up in the air, I feel powerful. I feel brave. I don't know that it's particularly pretty or noteworthy, but I do know that the people around me get more courage to try. Mother Pose is something we are all attempting-- and as we go for it other moms will follow. "Namaste" the ending word in a yoga practice. It means "The divine spark in my acknowledges the divine spark in you."

Namaste.

A Little Survival Tip

By K Wrede

I confess, I can't do it alone. I can't wake up, fix breakfast, get clothes out, brush hair, brush teeth, pack lunches, get clothes on, turn off lights, turn off burners, put on lipstick and remember car keys by myself. Add two kids and a husband into the mix and life just got chaotic. (I know, I know, some of you have even more kids than that and I admire you for it!)

In the hustle and bustle of the morning routine I still want to be a kind, patient, happy mommy/wife, but I don't have that natural ability. (Our little secret, K?)

So I pray for it. Better said: When I remember to do so, I pray for it.
And I get it.

It seems whenever I ask for help to be a better mom/wife, I get it. Ideas come to my mind on what to say, how to act, and I even feel more peace inside, which then allows me to calm down a bit.

Does it really matter if my daughter hikes her mismatched socks up to her knees? Does it really matter that my son wants to wear the same underwear two days in a row?

No, it doesn't. (At least that's what the Universe tells me when I'm willing to listen.)

What matters is the people. What matters is how I treat "the people".

I write this as a reminder to myself and to all of us. Help with family relationships is never very far.

A Little Parenting - Teaching Kids to Cook

"Oh I never let my kids in the kitchen. I'm too afraid they would get hurt."

This response came to me during a cooking class I was teaching at my church. This woman's daughter (who was a senior in high school) had babysat my children the night before. The teen called me during my date to ask me how to fix the dinner I had left on the kitchen counter: a box of macaroni and cheese and a plate of fruit.

I was shocked. Was this mother serious. She also had other children at or about to enter the teen years. None of them knew how to cook? I took a quick pool of the other women in the group. Out of all of their children, no one really knew their way around the kitchen. How were those kids going to survive the first time on their own? The first mom replied that she learned to cook after she got married.

I was asked about my own children and when they started learning how to cook. My answer? "As soon as they can stand." Kids love to participate in the kitchen. Cooking and nutrition are important skills to master. It is also a great way to spend time with your kids. Here is my timetable of when kids should learn certain skills:

The Love Magnet, age 4, helping to make oatmeal cookies in 2007.

Ages 2-7: Kids love to dump, pour, stir, drop, and make messes. I keep kid-size aprons around because I know that when I pull out the cookie pans, my youngest will be pulling up a chair so she will be tall enough to help me.

Age 8: this is the magic age in my kitchen when my kids get their first real cooking lesson. I always start with spaghetti....without a recipe and without commercially prepared sauce. Sauce-from-a-jar tastes too sweet to me. So I teach the kids how to create their own tomato sauce with plain canned tomato sauce and adding fresh garlic, anchovy paste, and spices. My kids really get into it and love to come up with their own blend of secret spices. Some are amazing.......others not so much. (The year Firstborn used cinnamon and nutmeg in his tomato sauce will go down in family legend). Wednesday night is always spaghetti night at my house and one of the kids does the cooking. When spaghetti is mastered, then cookies and brownies from scratch follow (dessert for Spaghetti night!) followed by grilled cheese sandwiches and scrambling eggs. After that, I let the kids browse my cookbook collection or watch cooking shows to come up with the next recipe they want to try. They usually want to try their favorite foods.

Ages 8-12: Knife skills! When I cook, I turn my kids into sous chefs and let them take care of the veggies and fruits. I can monitor them for safety and demonstrate when they need it. The kids need to pass of knife skills as part of their Scouts program so it does double duty.

Age 12: By this time my kids they can follow most recipes. For breads, I always start with biscuits, muffins, and quick breads, followed by yeast breads. This is also the time to learn cakes from scratch. That way, when the child comes to me at 10:00 at night and tells me he needs cake/cookies/baked treat for school the next day, I can reply "Great! You know where they ingredients are. Be sure to clean up the kitchen before you go to bed." WOOT!

Secondborn making his famous baconated deviled eggs at Grandma's, Thanksgiving 2010.

My kids are making me proud in the kitchen. Firstborn (age 18) makes an incredible grilled pork loin with a mustard/vinegar sauce that tastes restaurant quality. Secondborn (14) loves making deviled eggs in all their variations. Thirdborn (10) once chose to make pink lemonade cupcakes for a book report (In the book The Seven Silly Eaters, the family made a pink lemonade birthday cake). Even The Love Magnet (8) loves to help in the kitchen. She is still at the dump/pour stage, but I plan on letting her learn knife skills when she has better manual dexterity. Having Down syndrome, we take things slower with her, but we still treat her the same as her brothers. She wants to learn how to cook, too.

Bring your kids into the kitchen and make some memories!

A Little Perspective... The Little Things

My five-year-old took four unassisted steps a few days ago.  After waiting for four-and-a-half years for this, I stood there in awe; followed by jumping up and down and clapping (encouragement means everything to her.) First of all, not only did she walk independently, but she choose to do so. She wanted to get from point A to point B and rather than get down and crawl, she walked. It was very exciting.

We were at the park the other day, playing, swinging, sliding, running; I was doing most of the running, trying to keep my little one out of the street and in the park. Finally I made the announcement that we would leave in five minutes. In an attempt at distracting the one who couldn't run races, climb the ladder to the slide, or propel herself on the swings, I took her hand and began to walk along a path. I wasn't sure where the path would lead, but we could always turn around. I left my husband to watch the others as I took her hand and watched her feet, marveling at the strength she was gaining.  I watched, remembering a time when she couldn't raise her arms above her shoulders. A time when little muscles had grown so tight from non-use that range of motion was limited to reaching from a prone position. I was so busy looking down at little feet, that we had gone farther than intended, and realized our little walk was symbolic of our life together.  Most of my daughter's life we have spent moving along, not knowing where we are going. Sometimes getting farther than anyone thought we would. Most of the time we have no idea how far we will go or when the path will end, but we keep moving, enjoying the steps along the way. 

In reality, do any of us know what the future holds? For ourselves, our children, or those around us? Most of our days are spent just moving along not knowing where the path will go. We hope, long, pray, and dream. We imagine wonderful things ahead and plan for the things that might not go as we anticipate. But hopefully we also enjoy the steps along the way. The little moments that make each day so worth it. So tonight, while I stand at the sink and wash the dishes maybe I should enjoy the quiet of kids getting ready for bed. Or tomorrow, when I walk my littlest to preschool, I should relish the fact that he will still hold my hand. Are there things that keep you going when you aren't sure where the next turn will take you?